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Monday, May 16th, 2005
8:47 pm - Sighs
Dear Journal,
Man, Just when you think you have things figured out, then damn, the shit hits the fan. I have my wonderful apartment all to myself when my sister tells me she needs a place to crash for a while. I own so i said ok. I owe her but at the same time i wanted my peace and quiet. I love my family but sometimes, i get so tired of it all. On a good note, I may be going to nyc if I can swing it. I don't know yet but I am going to try. I want to go so by so i am going to try to swing this. I want to see my nick lol
I will talk to you laters,
Afifa

current mood: frustrated

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Thursday, October 21st, 2004
3:04 pm - just one of those days!
Dear Journal,
Have you ever feel great at the beginning of the day then your whole day turns to complete shit. I just went to Orlando which was good for the most part. Unfortunately my best friend cathy got sick and we didn't go to Tabu like we wanted to. But that's ok. I am going back in December and spending new years with my girls. I just hope I don't run into that bitch Cathy C. If she does'nt like me, then that is too damn bad. If she shows up at my girls event, I won't say a word to her. What goes around,comes around I always say:) Work is shitty, and I just got chewed out by my boss. I am trying so hard here but she is not making it easy on me.. I wish i never came into this department, but just pray for my sanity ok. Anyways i have to make this quick but i will right again soon.
Afifa

current mood: frustrated

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Sunday, July 6th, 2003
8:56 pm - wow
Dear Journal,
I know it's been a while since I have posted but a lot has happend. I have moved into my new place and don't have to deal with murleen anymore..*Does the happy dance of joy* I love being on my own. I went to florida like i said and i met a new friend. Her name is kym and we hve so much in common. Florida was great and i got freakin wasted lol but i had so much fun that weekend. Kym is going through what i am going through with someone. I miss nb, so much and i am so scared for my sister right now. I want her to be here a long time... I wish he was there for me like i need him to be but he can't:( I wish I didn't feel so guilty but kym helped...Kym is a friend for life. I have to go but I will tlk to you soon....
Afifa

current mood: pensive

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Saturday, May 10th, 2003
4:52 pm - feel like crying.
Dear journal,
Well I guess I know how I stand with murleen and now I have to work my ass off to make enough money to get an apartment. I don't know how I am going to do it but I will do this. I will have to plan carefully and will be broke till the end of June but it will be worth if I make it. I want to go to Orlando and I will. I will have to do a lot of prying on this but I will and hopefully that God will make a way to do this. Oh well, I have my friends behind me and there is nothing that they wouldn't do for me. I have go but I will be back soon.
Afifa

current mood: depressed

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Sunday, May 4th, 2003
9:11 pm - Sighs, trying to remain positive.
Dear Journal,
I just have a lot of thinking on my hands.. I have to find a new apartment and that scares the shit out of me. My dad gave me some great advice and said don't ask, don't tell, so i am going to keep my mouth shut..If I had the money like I was supposed to then I wouldn't be so scared. but I am going to have to make plans for that just in case factor...Plus my dad's talking about staying with me when I know darn well that I will not have that much room. But he's my dad so I will deal with it. I know God has a plan for me and though go an help those who help themselves right. But the good news is that I am going to orlando next month and I am sooo excited! I hopefully will get the chance to see Nick:) Though his schedule is tight. Any ways my dear I have to go but I will talk to you soon.
Afifa

current mood: stressed

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Tuesday, March 11th, 2003
8:46 pm - What a Weekend!
Dear journal,
well I just got back from Vegas and it was awesome. Tima was just the best since she took care of me the whole trip. We took the flight to Vegas and stayed at the Luxor and checked our bags in. We decided to go early to the house of blues and see if we can get early reservations for dinner and so we could go in early. It turns out that there was a pre par for nicks shows and that let's you in early. We decided to go to the party and thank god we did!!! we were the first twenty in line for the show and I ended up in front row for nicks shows. It's was so awesome and that nick actually saw me but the brat sprayed me with water, but it made me feel good that he saw I was there. I was happy about that. We ended up going to the after party but I saw nick afterwards. He was drunk off his ass and being escorted out lol. I just hope that he is alight and I worry about the drinking. I haven't heard from him and I am waiting on that., Any ways, a lot of is going to happened. I fell sorry about tiff since she is no fucking clue about reality at this point. Tima is getting fed up her and I don't blame her. Nessa is such a great kid and truly helped me with those bitches from the show. But I am so over that. I hope I never see them again but I seriously doubt that. If tiff doesn't get her act together and face some hard truths, that it's going to be too late. Any ways, this is all and I am tired. I started work this week and you have no idea how great that feels. And with a great company.. I sear I haven't stopped laughing though training sucks major ass.But I have go but I will talk to soon.
Afifa

current mood: ecstatic

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Wednesday, February 5th, 2003
10:03 pm - I've said it once
Dear Journal,
Now I remember why I freakin hate having roomates!. I pay have of the fucking rent and she treats me like a step child. I ask her to please leave the mail key with me and she says that she isn't comfortable doing it. Wtf! I can't wait to get the hell out of here. That's why i like living by myself. *i guess the only thing that keeps me going is that i will be alone soon. I have to go but will be back soon.
Afifa

current mood: pissed off

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Tuesday, February 4th, 2003
12:04 pm - I'm so excited
Dear journal,
Well I am going to new york next week. I can't believe that i am going, but hell, you only have one life to live and i think that this is going to be an awsome trip. I figure since I am not working that this will give me time to do what i need to and want too. I am not know that i am not suppose to be doing this, but for once I want to do something crazy and fun. Even if i can really afford this trip, I am going to do this. Plus i am happy that tiff is not mad at me for what happend that friday. I still think the person she is talking to is full of shit but i can't tell her that. I know that Nick is protecting me and i know that he cares for meL Anyways, I have to get going but i will be writing all about my trip nex week
Muah!
Much love,
Afifa

current mood: excited

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Wednesday, January 15th, 2003
10:22 pm - Yay!
Dear journal,
Things have been going well. I had an interview yesterday with blue cross. I got there around 10.20 and had to take a test which i have passed. Thank God! So the lady maryanne asked if i had wanted to come back for an interview at 4.30. Mind you that this was a long ways away, but i had dealed with it. She told me that if i didn't have go but if didn't come back that it would be another month before they could interview me. So i told her that i could come back. So i staited there until almost 7pm. I have good vibes about it but I am trying not to get my hopes up.All I wanted is to get this job. But sighs, I will pray that all will be well. I have to go but i will talk again soon.
A.

current mood: excited

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Wednesday, January 8th, 2003
10:27 am - Aaargh
Dear Journal,
well i know it's been a long time since i have written but a lot has happend to me. First of all, i finally met nick and he finally knew who i was. It was on 8-27-02 and he took over the rick dees show and i got in for instudio. he was taking pictures and i got up to him and gave him a hug and said i finally got my hug after two years. he look at me strange and then i whispered hey nb and he jump and said omg i am so glad that y9ou came. I had a big smile on my face. he asked if i would be a round later and i said sure. i told him i would catch him and he told me not if you catch me first lol. then i caught him at outside then Angela took a picture of him and tem call me over. I whispered to him, did get you and he laughed and said I did. He gave me another hug and kiss on the check. Well i have told yoku i got evicted an found a new place but my roommate is a bitch from hell most of the time and i should never hadve moved here. Plus on top of that i got laid off from my job, which stress me the fuck out. life is not got right now, it totally sucks. Anyways that my life in a nut shell. I have to go but will be back soon
A

current mood: stressed

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Tuesday, October 8th, 2002
6:11 pm - i know its been a while
Dear Journal,
I know it been a while but there is so much going on , i got evivted and that sucked. anyways i will email all the details
afifa

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Sunday, May 19th, 2002
4:11 pm - I have had it!
Dear Journal,
Well this weekend was ok for the most part. I got to see stars wars, which was awesome! But then, that's what all hell broke lost. I was talking to m and was talking about nb when t threw a couple fit. I am so sick of her obsession over someone she does not know. I have made a vow, I am not going to talk to her about nb. I was hopping that she would get over this, and actually find someone. She needs to get back into reality and face the fax that she is leaving in a dream world. anyway I just needed to vent.
talk to you laters
Afifa

current mood: pissed off

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Monday, April 1st, 2002
10:02 pm - Tired
Dear journal,
I am sorry I haven't had a chance to writing, I have been working a lot, and just a lot of things have been going on with my mind. Work majorly sucks, and if I didn't need the money I so would have quit. Sighs, I am not happy there. It's not my dream job, but I guess I am there for a reason. I miss sophia, but she has no time for me. I miss nb, but with him being who he is, he is so busy. I fear we will never met, and that. maybe I am just tripping. I just wish I could do what I really want to do. I hate being alone and I hear that no one will want me. What's wrong with me? I am pretty cute, and loveable. sighs, maybe I am destined to be alone. any ways I guess that all for now.
A.

current mood: depressed

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Saturday, March 23rd, 2002
8:50 am - Ick
Dear Journal,
Wow, it has been a while since I have posted. Things are going ok for the most part. I told tiff the truth but seems she doesn't care or want to believe me. Well I had tried. Work is ok for the most part, but i am feeling so unfullfied. I wish i was more happy about every thing. I wish i was doing want I wanted to do, but i guess i am scared. I wish i could be a back up singer, but i don't know how to go how to dol.
Anyways, that's if for now, i will have to post again. love you all.
A.

current mood: blah

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Wednesday, March 13th, 2002
10:32 pm - sighs, dont know what i am feeling
Dear journal,
well, today was an ok day for the most part. work sucks as usual, why can't I do something that i enjoy. would be nice for a change. I feel better that i got an email from nb. I just have to smile. I wonder what it would be like to accuatly talk to him. i have known him for 2 years, but it would be nice to talk to him over the phone, but i will met him when it's time. i just don't know hat i am feeling. i guess i am a little depressed about my life. i know i am not doing what i am ment to do, but i guess you have to do what you have to to pay the bills. man, it would be nice to having have money and not worry for change. maybe i will get a raise, god willing. I am so tired of being a lone. i just want to be someone who will love me. Thanks all i want. i know i could never be with nb like that, but whitn he and the evil one, he would never see me. too many opsticles. but i can always be there for him as a friend. Cause i really do care for him. Anyways, i will be for him.
ttyl
a.

current mood: discontent

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Monday, March 11th, 2002
4:36 pm - What to do.
Dear journal,
i just hear from nb today and i know, god i know that i was right about that so called fake poser.
i finally asked him if it was him and he said no, since i know he would not lie to me. so this is where it
gets so hard. i finally know the truth, but my girl is nt giong to hear it. she believes what she wants and
i tried to tell her it's not him, but she will not listen. she is so in love with this jerk and doesn't see that
this guy is a liar. Ok, i have done venting. but it was so good to hear from my boy. since i miss him
so much. anyways my day was good for the most part,work sucks as usual, but i then that is my day.
Anyways, i have to go, but i will talk to you laters.
A.

current mood: numb

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Sunday, March 10th, 2002
7:52 pm - much better
ok, this is it for the night, lol.
i can bitch all i want while and no one can read this but me. Thank god.
i love tiff to death but if i hear one me thing about nick, i will so scream.
i hate that she is living in that dream world where she think is really talking to this guy.
man sheis going to be hurt so bad, but what can i do. i did email nick just to make sure
once and for all. I know i am right, but i need validation. Anyways, i am out but i will but
a long entry in later.
much love.
A.

current mood: happy

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4:47 pm - argh
well, i am liking this now
anyways. i hate being a lone. i am so sick not having a boyfriend to call my own. things have been ok for the most part. i worry about T. She is stuck in this belief about you know who. she needs to really get out and forget him, it's not going to happen so some people just need to wake up and smell the coffee.
i a dore the boy to death even though things can be trying and yes i do miss him. but i wish i can say what's on my mind and say look, it's not him. but some people won't believe me. sighs. what more can i do, right. Anyways, this is good that it lets me voice my thoughts and fears. anyways, i have to go, but i hope to be back soon.
A.

current mood: tired

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4:30 pm - First entry
Well this is my first entry, and i just wanted to get my thoughts on paper. just tired, and with so much drama in my life going on, it's so tiring. I worry about my future. i worry about my friend who is so in love with someone who may be playing with were. i know that this person is not real, but i guess all i can do, is watch her go through this. Anyway I have to go, but i will be back soon.

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